- Format: Kindle Edition
- File Size: 713 KB
- Print Length: 291 pages
- Publisher: Manjul Publishing House (2 January 2017)
- Sold by: Amazon Asia-Pacific Holdings Private Limited
- Language: English
- ASIN: B07D17NY8N
- Text-to-Speech: Enabled
- Word Wise: Enabled
- Customer Reviews: 16,102 customer ratings
- Amazon Bestsellers Rank: #1 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
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How to Win Friends and Influence People Kindle Edition
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Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
"If You Want to Gather Honey, Don't Kick Over the Beehive"
On May 7, 1931, the most sensational manhunt New York City had ever known had come to its climax. After weeks of search, "Two Gun" Crowley -- the killer, the gunman who didn't smoke or drink -- was at bay, trapped in his sweetheart's apartment on West End Avenue.
One hundred and fifty policemen and detectives laid siege to his top-floor hideaway. They chopped holes in the roof; they tried to smoke out Crowley, the "cop killer," with tear gas. Then they mounted their machine guns on surrounding buildings, and for more than an hour one of New York's fine residential areas reverberated with the crack of pistol fire and the rat-tat-tat of machine guns. Crowley, crouching behind an overstuffed chair, fired incessantly at the police. Ten thousand excited people watched the battle. Nothing like it had ever been seen before on the sidewalks of New York.
When Crowley was captured, Police Commissioner E. P. Mulrooney declared that the two-gun desperado was one of the most dangerous criminals ever encountered in the history of New York. "He will kill," said the Commissioner, "at the drop of a feather."
But how did "Two Gun" Crowley regard himself? We know, because while the police were firing into his apartment, he wrote a letter addressed "To whom it may concern." And, as he wrote, the blood flowing from his wounds left a crimson trail on the paper. In his letter Crowley said: "Under my coat is a weary heart, but a kind one -- one that would do nobody any harm."
A short time before this, Crowley had been having a necking party with his girl friend on a country road out on Long Island. Suddenly a policeman walked up to the car and said: "Let me see your license."
Without saying a word, Crowley drew his gun and cut the policeman down with a shower of lead. As the dying officer fell, Crowley leaped out of the car, grabbed the officer's revolver, and fired another bullet into the prostrate body. And that was the killer who said: "Under my coat is a weary heart, but a kind one -- one that would do nobody any harm."
Crowley was sentenced to the electric chair. When he arrived at the death house in Sing Sing, did he say, "This is what I get for killing people"? No, he said: "This is what I get for defending myself."
The point of the story is this: "Two Gun" Crowley didn't blame himself for anything.
Is that an unusual attitude among criminals? If you think so, listen to this:
"I have spent the best years of my life giving people the lighter pleasures, helping them have a good time, and all I get is abuse, the existence of a hunted man."
That's Al Capone speaking. Yes, America's most notorious Public Enemy -- the most sinister gang leader who ever shot up Chicago. Capone didn't condemn himself. He actually regarded himself as a public benefactor -- an unappreciated and misunderstood public benefactor.
And so did Dutch Schultz before he crumpled up under gangster bullets in Newark. Dutch Schultz, one of New York's most notorious rats, said in a newspaper interview that he was a public benefactor. And he believed it.
I have had some interesting correspondence with Lewis Lawes, who was warden of New York's infamous Sing Sing prison for many years, on this subject, and he declared that "few of the criminals in Sing Sing regard themselves as bad men. They are just as human as you and I. So they rationalize, they explain. They can tell you why they had to crack a safe or be quick on the trigger finger. Most of them attempt by a form of reasoning, fallacious or logical, to justify their antisocial acts even to themselves, consequently stoutly maintaining that they should never have been imprisoned at all."
If Al Capone, "Two Gun" Crowley, Dutch Schultz, and the desperate men and women behind prison walls don't blame themselves for anything -- what about the people with whom you and I come in contact?
John Wanamaker, founder of the stores that bear his name, once confessed: "I learned thirty years ago that it is foolish to scold. I have enough trouble overcoming my own limitations without fretting over the fact that God has not seen fit to distribute evenly the gift of intelligence."
Wanamaker learned this lesson early, but I personally had to blunder through this old world for a third of a century before it even began to dawn upon me that ninety-nine times out of a hundred, people don't criticize themselves for anything, no matter how wrong it may be.
Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself. Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a person's precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment.
B. F. Skinner, the world-famous psychologist, proved through his experiments that an animal rewarded for good behavior will learn much more rapidly and retain what it learns far more effectively than an animal punished for bad behavior. Later studies have shown that the same applies to humans. By criticizing, we do not make lasting changes and often incur resentment.
Hans Selye, another great psychologist, said, "As much as we thirst for approval, we dread condemnation."
The resentment that criticism engenders can demoralize employees, family members and friends, and still not correct the situation that has been condemned.
George B. Johnston of Enid, Oklahoma, is the safety coordinator for an engineering company. One of his responsibilities is to see that employees wear their hard hats whenever they are on the job in the field. He reported that whenever he came across workers who were not wearing hard hats, he would tell them with a lot of authority of the regulation and that they must comply. As a result he would get sullen acceptance, and often after he left, the workers would remove the hats.
He decided to try a different approach. The next time he found some of the workers not wearing their hard hat, he asked if the hats were uncomfortable or did not fit properly. Then he reminded the men in a pleasant tone of voice that the hat was designed to protect them from injury and suggested that it always be worn on the job. The result was increased compliance with the regulation with no resentment or emotional upset.
You will find examples of the futility of criticism bristling on a thousand pages of history. Take, for example, the famous quarrel between Theodore Roosevelt and President Taft -- a quarrel that split the Republican party, put Woodrow Wilson in the White House, and wrote bold, luminous lines across the First World War and altered the flow of history. Let's review the facts quickly. When Theodore Roosevelt stepped out of the White House in 1908, he supported Taft, who was elected President. Then Theodore Roosevelt went off to Africa to shoot lions. When he returned, he exploded. He denounced Taft for his conservatism, tried to secure the nomination for a third term himself, formed the Bull Moose party, and all but demolished the G.O.P. In the election that followed, William Howard Taft and the Republican party carried only two states -- Vermont and Utah. The most disastrous defeat the party had ever known.
Theodore Roosevelt blamed Taft, but did President Taft blame himself? Of course not. With tears in his eyes, Taft said: "I don't see how I could have done any differently from what I have."
Who was to blame? Roosevelt or Taft? Frankly, I don't know, and I don't care. The point I am trying to make is that all of Theodore Roosevelt's criticism didn't persuade Taft that he was wrong. It merely made Taft strive to justify himself and to reiterate with tears in his eyes: "I don't see how I could have done any differently from what I have."
Or, take the Teapot Dome oil scandal. It kept the newspapers ringing with indignation in the early 1920s. It rocked the nation! Within the memory of living men, nothing like it had ever happened before in American public life. Here are the bare facts of the scandal: Albert B. Fall, secretary of the interior in Harding's cabinet, was entrusted with the leasing of government oil reserves at Elk Hill and Teapot Dome -- oil reserves that had been set aside for the future use of the Navy. Did Secretary Fall permit competitive bidding? No sir, He handed the fat, juicy contract outright to his friend Edward L. Doheny. And what did Doheny do? He gave Secretary Fall what he was pleased to call a "loan" of one hundred thousand dollars. Then, in a high-handed manner, Secretary Fall ordered United States Marines into the district to drive off competitors whose adjacent wells were sapping oil out of the Elk Hill reserves. These competitors, driven off their ground at the ends of guns and bayonets, rushed into court -- and blew the lid off the Teapot Dome scandal. A stench arose so vile that it ruined the Harding Administration, nauseated an entire nation, threatened to wreck the Republican party, and put Albert B. Fall behind prison bars.
Fall was condemned viciously -- condemned as few men in public life have ever been. Did he repent? Never! Years later Herbert Hoover intimated in a public speech that President Harding's death had been due to mental anxiety and worry because a friend had betrayed him. When Mrs. Fall heard that, she sprang from her chair, she wept, she shook her fists at fate and screamed: "What! Harding betrayed by Fall? No! My husband never betrayed anyone. This whole house full of gold would not tempt my husband to do wrong. He is the one who has been betrayed and led to the slaughter and crucified."
There you are; human nature in action, wrongdoers, blaming everybody but themselves. We are all like that. So when you and I are tempted to criticize someone tomorrow, let's remember Al Capone, "Two Gun" Crowley and Albert Fall. Let's realize that criticisms are like homing pigeons. They always return home. Let's realize that the person we are going to correct and condemn will probably justify himself or herself, and condemn us in return; or, like the gentle Taft, will say: "I don't see how I could have done any differently from what I have."
On the morning of April 15, 1865, ...
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The book is an excellent work on human relations. If you want your daily interactions to be more meaningful, positive and mutually beneficial then this book shall help you do the very same thing. ( For both personal and professional interactions)
I've applied these principles and have seen the difference.
The quality of the physical copy is good. The paper used is good and the print quality is excellent.
Delivered what was promised adhering to the promised date. Would recommend using Amazon over others.
However, I felt I don’t need to make friends with everybody and all kind of people. The book basically tells you to be agreeable to everybody, find something to honestly like about them and compliment them on it, talk about their interests only and, practically, act like a people pleaser all the time.
The advice given in the book is valuable to the sales person who need to please all type of people. It may also be good for people who have personality issues and finds it difficult to make friends.
I would like to make friends by being myself and risking rejection. I would like to influence people in honest way without any manipulation and pretending.
Having said that, the book is an interesting read and not all garbage.
Yet I am not going to summarize it because the aroma comes when you read the whole book. It is not a novel that you read the summery and get influenced by.
I love to read hardcover books. So I decided to buy this in hardcover for a long term. I admire the service and quality of AMAZON.
Top international reviews
Whatever business you are in, you will always be dealing with people and this book will teach you how to deal with people! How to treat people! How to relate to people! How to get them on your side!
On top of this, it will give you examples and good ideas on how to solve situation where you are in loss and turn them into a win/win situation. Basically it take off the focus from you, wishing to get the best out of a deal, but will also show you how can you give something in return and create that healthy and good environment.
Long story short, want to improve in your daily life and/or business life but you struggle overcome communication problem? To sell your ideas? To share your opinion?
BUY THIS BOOK, it will give you the base you need.
I can't recommend this book enough. I wouldn't be where I am without it. Everything you learn from it so simple yet so effective. If I knew how much it would change my life, I would have happily bought this for £100+.
This is definitely one that you could read over and over again and make notes that would infinitely help to improve, not only your personal life, but any aspect of relationships both in and outside of the workplace.
We are using many of these style books on our 360 Degree Manager training course and they are indeed proving to be very popular with our trainees and coaches alike.
Will definitely be picking it up again and again!
As aforementioned, I haven't finished it, but I used the 6 tricks to get anyone to like you at a recent party and my boyfriend was told by his friends he had such a lovely girlfriend (that'll be me) and they are so happy he is settling down with me (I'd never met some of them before). There you go - proof! I have never been much for small talk before but just managing to get others talking about themselves made them love me.
I'm convinced that once I have had time to sit down and read through and absorb it all, it will be the best money I have ever spent.
This book is not a magic formula that will make everything right, it is showing a way that has a better chance at reaching the outcome.
Also note the emphasis on “sincerity”. It isn’t about manipulating people or telling what they want to hear, it is about putting yourself in their shoes and act with that information in mind.
Some of these principles are obvious, but the sort of that you need to be reminded of. Some seem difficult to apply sincerely in everyday situation.
It think whoever is taking that journey should complement their approach with a spiritual approach, to bring more empathy and self-awareness to their behaviour.
This book gives a lot to think about and seems like an excellent reminder when you are facing a challenging situation: stop what you’re doing, forget yourself and think twice - what else could you do to resolve your dilemma and what do the people involved want?
Astonishing how this book is still relevant today.
So why one star deducted? Simply because in a more knowing (and perhaps cynical) age, some of the guidance may have less traction (for example, flattering someone on the taste with which he has decorated his office).
Overall, though, highly recommended and of real practical benefit to anyone wanting to do what the title says.