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4.0 out of 5 starsBeautiful insights put together very wisely and lovingly
Reviewed in India on 8 July 2018
I wish I had known this when I was in my twenties, i could have lived a different quality life. Anyways, better late than never. I am sure this understanding is going to help me for the rest of my life. Thanks Kristin Neff.
Found it a bit boring and repetitious - probably because of my lack of interest in doing the exercises. The premise is a good one though. In today's environment, we are challenged and encouraged to be self critical to the point of being destructive to our personal sense of well being. This book challenges us to confront in a direct and positive way that inclination to do harm.
While only rating it three stars, it was due to the increasing repetition as the book struggled towards its end.
I bought both the book and workbook, and while I appreciate the ideas for activating self-compassion in one's own life, I am deeply troubled by the author's personal story of infidelity. Her story lacks compassion for her first husband as well as for her lover's wife. After being thrown over by her lover, she mentions how she met someone else, but still had trouble getting over her lover. She got permission from her fiancee to take long walks with her then dying lover, but she does not mention getting permission from her lover's wife. (Walls should have been put in place to keep her, the affair partner, out of the marriage for good, so that the wife could feel safe. The fact that walls were not put in place, leads one to believe that the wife was never given the whole story, which is even more horrifying.) Though the author does try to give some credit to the wife by describing her as "rock solid and a source of strength during his months of chemotherapy" this statement feels disingenuous, as if she didn't want to admit to herself that her lover had chosen to stay with his wife because he truly loved his wife and the beautiful life they had made together. I felt the author minimized her lover's feelings for his wife in order to spare herself the grief of not being chosen by him. She avoided talking about how she had disrespected his wife and the sisterhood of women for that matter and instead focused on her own immature self-centered nature. I would have found relief had she owned up to her mistakes and been more remorseful for her actions toward both her first husband and her lover's wife. I am left feeling that she doesn't have a very stable internal moral compass, and while it is inspiring that she's working on an area of true weakness in her life, it's deeply unsettling that her morals are so askew. "In some cases, she simply has no conscience about what she is doing and no empathy for the wife and children she is sabotaging." - Shirley Glass "Not Just Friends"