"𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐬, 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐞, 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐳𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐥𝐥 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐮𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐨𝐧𝐞." . Turtles all The Down was 1st published on 2017. It tells the story of Aza Holmes, a high school student from Indianapolis. When a local billionaire went missing and $100,000 reward was offered for information about his disappearance, she and her best friend decided to track him down. But Aza' mission got complicated by the fact that she has obsessive complusive disorder and severe anxiety. . "𝐀𝐜𝐭𝐮𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲, 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐛𝐥𝐞𝐦 𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐈 𝐜𝐚𝐧'𝐭 𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐦𝐲 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐝," 𝐈 𝐬𝐚𝐢𝐝. "𝐈𝐭'𝐬 𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐚𝐩𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐞." . The way mental health was portrayed through Aza was excruciating, harrowing and educational to read about. Her anxiety, mental health continue to be an unrelenting problem. It doesn't ease up, doesn't get fixed with time and at times it's nearly mentally painful to read about a sad girl who can't get better. And you just want to dive into pages and give her a big warm hug telling her you are there and will help her to get better. But that's the point, she can't. And somehow that's okay, because she's still lovely, wonderful and loved.
I felt this book to my core. I was there with Aza when she was spiralling out of control, her mind constantly pulling her in different directions, finding no center, the constant doubt hurling you further into finding no fixed point, so that you may breathe and focus. It was so raw and bleak and the ugly side of the mental health truly came to live, because that's how it is and what it can manifest into. And though, it may seem difficult to find hope, a way to see the light at the end of the tunnel that seems never reaching, it's there. It's tangible and can be found.
I was really surprised by the ending though, that moved on from being a teenager, looked life beyond the teenage hood. Not enough teenager hear that what they are going through really matters, but also that they'll be leading a completely different life very soon.
I am beyond eager to see what John Green has next in store for us. "𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐢𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫"